Basically, the books are entitled "Girls Only: How to Survive Anything" and "Boys Only: How to Survive Anything" and are both by Martin Oliver. They are in print RIGHT NOW (in the year 2012) and are available both online and probably in your local bookshop. But if you’re thinking from the titles that these books provide children of both genders with useful survival skills in the face of actual emergencies, YOU'RE VERY WRONG. Unless, of course, you consider “becoming rich” an emergency. (This was probably my favourite- “How to Survive Becoming Rich” is in the girls’ book. Brilliant that the author has faith that girls can become rich, but only in a way that causes them severe psychological damage!)
The only way I can let you see for yourself the hilarity of these books is to present you with the chapter lists. Do bear in mind that they are marketed as “comedy and humor” books, meaning they are tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be taken totally seriously. With that in mind, let’s take a look at the boys chapters:
How to Survive a Shark Attack
How to Survive in a Forest
How to Survive Frostbite
How to Survive a Plane Crash
How to Survive in the Desert
How to Survive a Polar Bear Attack
How to Survive a Flash Flood
How to Survive a Broken Leg
How to Survive an Earthquake
How to Survive a Forest Fire
How to Survive in a Whiteout
How to Survive a Zombie Invasion
How to Survive a Snakebite
How to Survive if Your Parachute Fails
How to Survive a Croc Attack
How to Survive a Lightning Strike
How to Survive a T-Rex
How to Survive Whitewater Rapids
How to Survive a Sinking Ship
How to Survive a Vampire Attack
How to Survive an Avalanche
How to Survive a Tornado
How to Survive Quicksand
How to Survive a Fall
How to Survive a Swarm of Bees
How to Survive in Space
And the girls:
How to survive a BFF Fight
(oh goodie, I've always wondered how to get through this!)
How to Survive Soccer Tryouts
How to Survive a Breakout
How to Show You’re Sorry
(and chapter 3 is where we no longer care about “survival”)
How to Have the Best Sleepover Ever
How to Take the Perfect School Photo
How to Survive Brothers
Scary Survival Dos and Don’ts
How to Handle Becoming Rich
How to Keep Stuff Secret
How to Survive Tests
How to Survive Shyness
How to Handle Sudden Stardom
More Stardom Survival Tips
How to Survive a Camping Trip
How to Survive a Fashion Disaster
How to Teach Your Cat to Sit
(Seriously?!)
How to Turn a No Into a Yes
Top Tips for Speechmaking
How to Survive Embarrassment
How to Be a Mind Reader
How to Survive a Crush
Seaside Survival
How to Soothe Sunburn
How to Pick Perfect Sunglasses
Surviving a Zombie Attack
How to Spot a Frenemy
Brilliant Boredom Busters
How to Survive Truth or Dare
How to Beat Bullies
How to be an Amazing Babysitter
Hahahahahahaahahaha...!!
Good to note that Oliver realised that in the event of a zombie apocalypse both sexes would be affected.
Quick question: these are being presented as satire, humor books, right? For children? Of courrrrrse, because primary school children are so clued up on interpreting irony!
Sarcasm aside, it wouldn't be fair for me not to mention that there are some things in the girls’ book that encourage sports, leadership, and confidence. But the boys’ book is literally only really about vampires and adventures and that!
I think the problem with these books that they didn’t have to be called “Boys Only” and “Girls Only.” I think that most of the problems (fictional and non-ficitional) are probably universal.
I mean, I don't know about you, but someday, I envisage a future where boys and girls, men and women, of all races and creeds, will finally figure out how to get a cat to sit.
;)
L.
