Well, well, well... Yesterday I found myself tackling the age-old porn debate...
Before you start... No. My research did not (unfortunately) involve hours of extensive porn viewing. Much to my dismay - there is actually quite a lot of intellectual chat going on about this...
The reason for doing this post is partially because of the GOP, I am not going to lie to you - but also partially after hearing some rather negative views just generally towards porn of late. So, without further a-do, here we go...
It's no secret that Mitt Romney and the rest of those Republicans are vehemently (publically) against pornography. In fact, they have added language to their official platform to encourage the federal government to step-up prosecution of pornography involving adults.
"Current laws on all forms of pornography and obscenity need to be vigorously enforced," the platform says, blah blah blah... I mean, rightfully (obviously) Republican platforms have previously called for increased prosecution of child pornography, but this appears to be the first time that the party has called for a crackdown on sexually explicit material involving adults - a multi-billion-dollar industry.
Not easy though... How does one define 'obscenity'? Well, The Supreme Court in 1973 said that to be obscene, material must depict sex in a manner that offends contemporary community standards (/nuclear family values) and is devoid of artistic or scientific value (/clinical pragmatism).
I think this calls for missionary position porn only, folks! HOT.
But actually isn't this whole Republicans-being-anti-porn thing a little ironic and hypocrtical? Given that a study by Harvard researcher Ben Edelman from the Journal of Economic Perspectives found that eight of the top ten porn-watching states voted Republican in the last presidential election.... ahem. Mega lolz. Here's a little look...
The top porn-watching state? Utah.
Anyway, Republicans aside, I've been talking to a few people about the subject of porn of late and it does split people. And yes, I'll say it - the main split is by gender. Girls hate it, boys love it.
Ok, I'm stereotyping and am fully aware that that sweeping-statement was a massive generalisation. But, from my small survey, I can tell you, it appears to be the case with people I know...
Just to make it very clear from the START, I do not intend to focus on any exploitation or child abuse within the porn industry. I think I filled my quota for child exploitation content in my last post... It goes without saying that anything exploitative is completely abhorrent and needs to be addressed. This post is less an attack on the industry itself, but a look at people's attitudes towards porn - specifically, in relationships.
So, I've seen friend's relationships break up over porn, and am aware that it causes many an argument amongst my friends who are currently in relationships. It's a toughy...
There's no doubting that porn makes girls feel insecure. I remember one of my friends experiencing a drastic case of feeling inadequate when she first found out that her boyfriend was an avid porn watcher - she cried on me big-style about how she couldn't compete with those girls. I think it can make girls go completely mental. Another girl I knew would actively check her boyfriend's internet history and phone on a regular basis, looking for evidence of his porn-watching habits... Then also, cry about it.
I know girls who have been put in crazy sexual situations because of what their latest squeeze had 'learnt' from porn. One of my friends, during one of her very first sexual encounters, genuinely experienced a guy produce a gimp mask from his Quicksilver rucksack... It actually transpired to be quite a funny story, as he had mistaken that fetish porn he'd been given by his mate for regular porn... She laughed. A lot. Awkward.
Anyway, I do think that there's a certain amount of negativity surrounding teenage boy's first sexual material being hardcore porn. I mean, it's not so much representative of real life....
But, blog readers, I wish to propose to you that all of you porn-haters out there have got it all wrong! Here is my take on the whole thing broken down into tips for your gender, agree or disagree, please read it. It might just make you feel better...
Girls:
1. GET A GRIP!
Stop comparing yourself to porn-stars. Guys aren't that stupid - they know that porn girls are not a representation of real girls, and contrary to popular belief, that's not what they actually want! Put a guy in a room with a real-life porn star and a potential sexual situation - guaranteed he'll sh**t it, feel super intimidated and probably want to run out crying for you, his girlfriend. It's just fantasy - they know that. There's no emotional connection to those girls. Those girls don't have sh**t on you.
And don't blame your boyfriend watching porn for your insecurities. Sure, those naked girls in his seedy mags may raise the bar; but look at that Vogue magazine you worship like a Bible and tell me that those girls are good for your self-esteem? Everywhere you look in your own life you are going to find girls that make you feel inadequate. Address your own issues - don't use porn as a scapegoat.
2. GET OVER IT!
You need to accept it. All. Guys. Watch. Porn.
Researchers attempted to conduct a study in 2009 comparing the views of men in their 20's who had never been exposed to pornography with regular users. But they couldn't! Their project stumbled at the first hurdle because they could not find one guy who hadn't watched any... “We started our research seeking men in their 20's who had never consumed pornography,” said Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse. “We couldn't find any.”... Ha!
Men's Health found that 87% of men have watched porn regularly within the past year, and I'll say it - the other 13% lied.
In conclusion, your boyfriend/husband IS watching porn. You're just going to have to learn to accept it. It's no reflection on you. It's not about you. Stop being so self-indulgent. They're just able to separate sex from emotion. I mean, better he stay in and watch porn than go out and get some elsewhere, right?
3. GET WITH IT!
I suggest you get on that bandwagon! If you're not already watching porn - try it! Maybe you'll like it, and then you'll definitely understand it better. I mean, you'll happily read that illiterate 50 Shades of Grey bullsh**t to get your kicks and pass it off as 'culture', won't you? Oh, she like's that...
Another option - why not try watching it with him? Little sex tip...
4. GET HELP!
If you're still uncomfortable with him watching porn... I fear you have trust issues. Address that.
Boys:
1. ACT COOL!
STOP BEING SO SECRETIVE ABOUT IT! I reckon the main reason that girls freak out ao much about your porn viewing is the fact that you go to such extreme lengths to hide it! I genuinely believe that it's more about the sneaking around than it is the fact that you're constantly lusting over other naked women. Be a bit more open and honest about it. It won't be such a big deal, if you don't make out like you're doing something wrong.
But, if the attraction for you is doing it behind your girlfriend's back - then maybe you have respect issues? Address that.
2. WATCH OUT!
Be careful! According to a wire report on an Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine survey of 28,000 men - many men in their 20's who started watching porn at a young age (as early as 14) and currently consume porn daily have a low libido, or even inability to get an erection. Eeeesh, embarrassing...
Maybe try going cold turkey on the porn-front if you think this might be you...? “For older guys we are seeing that it takes about 8 weeks to recover,” says Gary Wilson, co-author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habits to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. “But for younger guys, guys in their 20s who grew up with high-speed Internet, it takes around 3 to 4 months because they didn’t wire to real girls and real touch when they were young.” They made a name for it: sexual anorexia - so it's ok if you do have it, 'cause it's totally justified with a name that's not 'pervert'
P.s. If you think you are in danger of being in the metaphorical dog house over porn - tell your girl she's 'the most beautiful girl you've ever seen' more. This will help. Trust me.
Anyway, I guess my overall point is that although yes, Western Society has become majorly over sexualised and is ever increasingly so; perhaps if we all just changed our attitudes towards sex - step away from our inner prude and embrace our sexualities - everyone could just chill out a bit more about it. That sounds way more hippy than I'm comfortable with now I've written it, but I hope you get my drift....
I think we need to stop viewing sex as seedy and sinful and just accept it for what it is- an evolutionary essential.
With terrible visions of me getting slut-shamed for taking this post any further, I'm going to leave it there...
Your thoughts, as always, would be greatly appreciated... :]
L.
