1. Always lie in job interviews
For those of you who didn't witness this- it was priceless! Watch it here... On Wednesday, Paul Ryan, vice-president nominee, took the stage and just lied loads, in what was essentially his job interview. Hilarious. Not even subtle, carefully constructed lies, either. They were so obvious, they were debunkable even by me when I was half-cut. Here, look, a list:
He lied about Medicare funds, the auto industry, the stimulus package, the deficit, and the idea that the Obama administration is unfriendly to small businesses. And all of Ryan's accusations were things that either Obama didn't do, but instead happened under Republican leadership; or they're things that Obama did do, but Paul Ryan et al voted for as well. Proud, shouty lies!
Then everyone was just all, "Yaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap! Clap clap!!! I wish I had extra hands so that I could clap EVEN MORE!!!!!". No outrage, shame, retractions, corrections, or apologies, or anything like that. Republican voters love the lies! Which actually bodes well for them... BRILLIANT.
They had a nice little shout out to the many states that have passed laws for informed consent, mandatory waiting periods prior to an abortion, and health protective clinic regulation. They affirmed our moral obligation to assist, rather than penalise, women challenged by an unplanned pregnancy.
No rape exception, of course. Rape is only "a detail" in the abortion debate. Made clear by horrible person, and Governor, Bob McDonnell.
3. Sick People can do one.
It was agreed that fixing the health care system is very, very important to the Republican platform committee. Good (not sarcastic). Best way to do it? Do exactly the same as before, but harder! GOOD (sarcastic). Rely nearly completely on profit-driven private sector businesses to fix everything... Because we all know that the corporations always act like compassionate entities, and that all health care industry problems can be blamed on too much regulation.
Naat.
4. Foreigners can do one.
Despite the fact that foreign aid is a very small part of America's national budget, the GOP platform committee seems to think that cutting it back will lower taxes for everyone.
5. Immigrants (by "immigrants" they mean "Mexicans") can do one.
The new GOP platform enthusiastically embraces Arizona's "show me your papers" laws, encourages an e-verify system to make it more difficult for undocumented immigrants to find employment, and encourages the completion of a double-layered fence between the US and Mexico. Thanks to suggestions by famous xenophobe Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach, the platform committee also added a plank giving the Department of Homeland Security the authority to detain undocumented immigrants for a really really long time.
6. Gays can do one.
Oh, as if they'd forget about homos! They still think what they're doing isn't natural. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and you can't argue with creationist primary school logic that rhymes. The GOP of 2012 would like to add an amendment to the US Constitution barring same-sex marriage. They also want to keep homosexuals out of the military. Sounds fair.
7. Muslims can do one.
They would like to bar American judges from taking foreign law into consideration when ruling on cases. They also call for the US to defend "religious freedom" in places like the Middle East and East Africa, where certain Christ-worshippers are being displaced by certain followers of Mohammad. "Religious freedom" once again becoming code for "enforced Christian dominance".
8. The Church should get more.
They're concerned with the current administration's promotion of what it calls "legalised abortion and the homosexual rights agenda." Enough of that. Best give that money to churches who hate gays and agree about forced pregnancy. Churches never f**k up.
9. RNC men have elevator eyes.
10. Mitt Romney's platform is simply "I AM NOT BARACK OBAMA AND MY FAMILY IS NICE."
And on a side note... Turns out, Mike Huckabee's still an idiot! During his speech, he made a great little joke about how he heard a terrible noise from the room next to his in his hotel, but it turned out to be DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz practicing her speech for next week's Democratic National Convention! Shut up, woman!
Also, did you guys hear about the lovely racist attack from an audience member? Reportedly, one Republican voter threw peanuts in a black camerawoman's face and declared "this is how we feed the animals." Heartwarming!
Not shocked.
So, there you go! If you didn't manage to catch any of the events, that's pretty much all you need to know! Put together in a totally unbiased, objective perspective, naturally...
;]
L.
